Friday, October 9, 2009

Friday morning sorrow

I slept in a little. Drug my feet. Dreaded my day.
I went up to the barn and fed Hammy first, then fed the rest. I took blankets off of everyone and then went to Hammy. I took his blanket off, then groomed him......gently brushed his face, combed out his tail and rubbed his ears for a while. I wish he could talk.
I let him finish his breakfast and I went to hook up the trailer.
I came back and haltered Hammy and led him out to the trailer. He is very quiet. I walked him around the yard a couple of times. It is sunny out and birds are singing....I wonder how the birds can continue to sing. I ask Hammy to load up and he is obedient, as always. He loads right up and stands, waits for me to shut the divider. I shut the doors and hop in the truck. The tears come and I can't hold them back. I put the truck into gear and pull out of the driveway. Hammy screams from the trailer. I roll my window up and suck my breath in and try to get a grip on my emotions.
I pull up to the vet's place and I unload Hammy.......again quiet and obedient. I rub his ears and pat him.
Julie comes out and we take him over to a grassy area and I cry some more. Julie tells me we are doing the right thing. We talk for a while about good horses and where they go and who has loved them.

and then we let him go.

I got back in my truck and cryed all the way home.
I went back and dug some dirt and shoveled some gravel to take my mind someplace else.
A new volunteer (Mary) came to the barn and we both cried for a while.....then talked as we cleaned paddocks and filled water buckets. Thanks Mary for your shoulder...

Early afternoon and I came home for lunch, I will wash my face and hands, then go to the feed store and run some other errands.

Thank you to everyone who helped care for Hammy in the last several months. He had a good summer with us.

Hamilton Radar Jones RIP 10.09.09

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