Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wednesday...half way through

Funny........I drive home with full moon and then drive back to work with a full moon and then drive home again with a full moon.
Werewolves prowl and vampires lurk. sounds like Halloween. It looks like Halloween.
As I thought, we had a full frost this morning.......wipers on, defrosters on.......scrapers in hand.........yep, it is late fall. I wore two jackets this morning and donned latex gloves to save my poor hands from cold and wet.
Hot meals served and hot water is slow to come. I really need a hot water tank....25 gallons would do nicely. Every horse likes a warm hot grain in the cold, cold morning. I could save a lot of time with a hot water tank or something like that. The only thing that saves me from the cold is sticking my hands into the grain mixture and stirring it.......warm like hands linger....
No cougar sighting today but I have to admit I was watchful.......paranoid.......chicken....but after I work for a while, I forget........I am lulled into the silence of morning.....listening to birds waking up, roosters crowing and horses breathing...while I walk paddocks in the half dark, half light twilight. I really love being at the barn in the morning. ...very peaceful.

It is funny how your mind works drive along feeling happy and then you hear something that triggers a memory....and suddenly you feel overwhelmingly sad............about something.....I always say that I am carrying a truckload of unresolved grief. I have never figured out quite how to resolve it and so it just builds, I guess. ...somedays it is heavier than others....and somedays it seems relatively light. But it just takes a word, a song, a saying to make it heavy again. I still miss my dad. I guess I always will. Gone too soon........way too soon.

My week is almost over and I already have full Friday planned..the weather is supposed to hold through the weekend and that will be grand.......just grand, as it allows me to get some things done.
I am watching Gonzaga play basketball and fighting off the cat from my cheese popcorn........almost ready for bed but not quite. Thinking a hot bath would be lovely and relaxing and will help me sleep.

I think the Emerald Downs TB sale is this weekend..I wish I could go, but I can't.....won' room at the inn and I can't get caught up in what I can't fix. Hard lessons to learn.

Pony Up fortune for tomorrow:

You cannot see the forest for the trees............look at the big picture.

1 comment:

Drillrider said...

I've been feeling "grief" also this week. I did a family calendar (I'm the youngest of 12), so everyone had their own month, with January being the oldest and December the youngest (me).

I came to the realization that out of the last six of us:
Sister - lives in Wisconsin
Sister - committed suicide when I was 17 year's old
Brother - has fried his brain on Meth
Brother - died of an brain anurism
Brother - fell when he was 6 and has never been quite "normal" since.....And then there is me.

Of the last six kids, there has been much tragedy and heartache. I seldom see my sister now that she moved to Wisconsin.....Gee... No wonder I'm feeling some grief!

The calendar came out fantastic though and my brothers/sisters gave them to their kids for Christmas! It was a bittersweet project.